Before I let your imagination run away with you (as funny as that would be), perhaps I’ll clarify. I came out of the closet as a chaste single person (i.e. my version of dating which seems to resemble that of an 80 year old Amish grandma to these particular friends). I basically kind of dodged the questions previously, but finally, after one too many conversations which inevitably surrounded some sexual conquest or another, I thought, that’s it. Closet, I’m busting out!
Me: “My boyfriend and I are not going on vacation together. I will when I am married to my husband.”
Them: “What do you mean? Why? Doesn’t it build intimacy and your bond as a couple?”
Me: “Nope, we believe that amount of intimacy should be saved for our marriage. We aren’t involved…in that way.”
Them: “Wait, WHAT? Are you really saying what I think you’re saying??”
Me: “If you think it means we haven’t had sex yet, that’s what I’m saying!”
Cue long stunned pause, very wide eyes, expressions basically torn between fascination and horror.
Finally I said…”You have to tolerate my alternative lifestyle. I am allowed to live this way!” We laughed, at least acknowledging the ridiculous situation, where I’m the REBEL.
Them: “You’re like…a dying breed…Don’t you want to make sure you’re compatible…in that way though?”
Me: “Nope. We think if we love each other, we’ll work it out. I don’t need to test drive him. He’s not a car, I’m not a car, we are people and if we fit, it’ll work.”
Them: “What do you do??”
Me: “We date. Like Human People do!” Cue my moment as Elsa from Frozen. Yes I felt like the Ice Queen who was finally “letting it go”! My ideas clearly seemed as strange to them as suddenly building an Ice castle in the middle of nowhere…
It made me realize with dismay, that so much of secular relationships is based on the sexual context. Now I’m not saying sex is bad. Not by any means. We know from JPII and Theology of the Body that sex is sacred, and wholeheartedly good. But to have that consume your entire dating relationship, just seems completely reckless and flawed to me! To make the most important decision of one’s life, choosing a lifelong partner, I want a clear head and my reason and wits about me. It’s just good business sense. In a choice that will affect all future choices in a profound and lifelong way.
Nicole also blogs with the team here: www.smartsex.wordpress.com
Check out our Theology of the Body section
Catholic Living, Chastity, by Catholic Chapter House.